i guess i feel like this is my safe haven~ other blogs have gotten too public and i don't know how to react publically anymore. sometimes i wonder if people understand me and the i quickly realize that they don't because nobody understand anybody because people are complex though similar. so i come to the conclusion i have to get over it and know that it's life~ lol~
i find my past is a hinderance to others that already know me. i find it more and more that the past is something that is to be disregarded. Rarely are people accurately depicted by the fragments of the past there are. Even though the event of the past may be recorded properly it's the inside that nobody understands that why it's somewhat bothersome when people ask me about past things. Like i said in my blog, i'm not a aggregation of my past but the present value of my future. It seems like everytime i forget this that i've somehow sold the person short~ odd~
on another note: what does it mean to pick up the cross daily? it's some cliché thing that comes up periodically in my mind that God my constantly remind me of. i see it like this, are we willing to die for God? that's the obvious non-commitment question where the easy answer is yes. what's hard about dying, it happens quickly and then it's over. Now the harder question is are we living for God. it's easy to answer yes because things are relatively good. For me to pick up my cross i think of all the worst things that can happen and say, God if those happen to me today it changes nothing between you and me. Failing uni and getting into a terrible accident so i can never play sports again while being alone with nobody that understands me would be the thing and so be it if God allows it. The knowledge that i could lose all things things is the freedom i've been given. The cross is freedom to love God without being held back. What would you're world look like if it fell apart? what would your response to it be?
sorry, this is a pseudo rant~ i just felt it more appropriate to put it here
- nobody of consequence
i find my past is a hinderance to others that already know me. i find it more and more that the past is something that is to be disregarded. Rarely are people accurately depicted by the fragments of the past there are. Even though the event of the past may be recorded properly it's the inside that nobody understands that why it's somewhat bothersome when people ask me about past things. Like i said in my blog, i'm not a aggregation of my past but the present value of my future. It seems like everytime i forget this that i've somehow sold the person short~ odd~
on another note: what does it mean to pick up the cross daily? it's some cliché thing that comes up periodically in my mind that God my constantly remind me of. i see it like this, are we willing to die for God? that's the obvious non-commitment question where the easy answer is yes. what's hard about dying, it happens quickly and then it's over. Now the harder question is are we living for God. it's easy to answer yes because things are relatively good. For me to pick up my cross i think of all the worst things that can happen and say, God if those happen to me today it changes nothing between you and me. Failing uni and getting into a terrible accident so i can never play sports again while being alone with nobody that understands me would be the thing and so be it if God allows it. The knowledge that i could lose all things things is the freedom i've been given. The cross is freedom to love God without being held back. What would you're world look like if it fell apart? what would your response to it be?
sorry, this is a pseudo rant~ i just felt it more appropriate to put it here
- nobody of consequence
posted by enochtang at 2:16 p.m.
3 Comments:
Interesting post...
Taking up your cross isn't limited to just dying for Him, I would say. When I think of Christ and when He took up His cross, He had to endure the suffering/persecution and taunting that came with bringing the cross to Golgotha. Taking up your cross is both enduring trials and persecution, but also dying to yourself. So what exactly does dying to yourself mean?
We come to the part where Jesus says to God, 'not my will but Your will be done' at the Garden of Gethsemane. Constantly, as I would understand it, is the pressure from our flesh not to die and let God have His way/will in us; we do the opposite that Christ did when He was on the earth and when He went to die--we don't give up our flesh. In that particular case, Christ was to literally give up His body to die; we are called to lose the control that the flesh has on us and give control to God. The flesh is the part of us that would have us follow the things of the world, to perceive not spiritual things but to be captured by our physical senses and to see life through them. In essence, we don't see and live life according to God's perspective, but instead, we perceive and react to life by the views that the world would see appropriate for each situation that you encounter.
So to take up your cross would be to have your will surrendered to Him and your flesh crucified daily (a product of surrendering your will and getting to know God as He teaches you to see spiritually), so that you can live according what God wants, and be able to see, think and react to life in the spirit each day.
In living this out, you'll realize that people won't understand why you're so loving to others, why you talk to your Saviour, why you'd rather give tons of money to God than buy a car/house/anything else that's valuable to this world, why you don't just see it through their eyes. After all, how could they ever understand that you're storing your treasure in heaven where moth and rust cannot destroy and theives cannot break in and steal?
And here, by treasure in heaven, I don't mean anything physical in heaven (haha..), I would lean towards spiritual treasure--whatever that may be =). Besides, who needs physical treasure in heaven (if there's such a thing) when all you'll ever and should treasure would be God!
if your posts on all 3 journals was what you wanted to talk about today, i didnt read them till after we were supposed to talk. so sorry for lack of conversation.
about the past, i find that the past builds us. without it there is no present us. we kind of covered it today. yes.. regrets of past actions/experiences is completely uncalled for, but when you say that "the past is something tha tis to be disregarded" i disagree. i'd have to say that you need to keep it with you, as a reminder. either of how you become who you are today, why you're values, beliefs, whatever are the way they are. maybe it is because of your past that you find motivation to do certain things, or to live life the way you do. if you never did those things in your past, you wouldn't make the same decisions, go through similar actions, you'd be walking a differen t path.
i dont fully understand what you mean by "rarely are peopel accurately depicted by the fragments of the past there are. even though the event of the past may be recorded properly it's the inside that nobody understands". it's part of the "it doesnt come from me. it writes itself" that i haven't yet deciphered. and about related past to present to future... sometimes knowing something about someone's past makes you realize that they are stronger than you may otherwise think. for example, somebody may lead an "average" lifestyle, but knowing that they had fought against a rough upbringing, abusive relations and whatever else negative, gains a respect and an added sense of... accomplishment? meaning.. you may not fully understand where they are coming from, but knowing that they've come so far .... you can imagine how much further they are capable of going.... catch my drift?
hm... what if the past situation was due to a still-existing character trait? I mean, if it was a regretted past situation, then what if it was caused by a bad personal characteristic that is presently yet to be fixed? I guess what I'm saying is that, if something regretted happened due to personal flawed character, but the cause of the situation has been dealt with, then I agree that the past is that past, and situations that happened before are not necessarily indicative of the person now.
*NB my studious (and very convoluted) omission of pronouns :P*
-Linna
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