post-wc sharing

so we talked about it again tonight. on msn. i told her again why i kept telling her that her drinking was becoming dangerous... after talking to Yvette about it for about an hour after WC, i thought i had it expressed and thought it so i would know how to tell her the next time we spoke. God gave me the chance to talk to her about it again, but i don't think i'm getting through to her still. all in God's time. i really need to embrace that now. because there's only so much i can do, i honestly can't think of any other options, any other ways to get the point across to her that she is going to die of alcohol poisoning if she continues to drink the way she does.

she tells me she understands, that she remembers regretting what she did. that she's putting herself on one week alcohol probation... but i really don't think she gets it, either that or she doesn't care. she's already looking forward to the end of her one week, and it hasn't even begun. she talks about what's she going to drink, that i don't even think probation would be healthy for her because she would push the extreme even further when she gets the chance. and there are only so many times that she's going to get lucky. a cat only has nine lives.

i am not getting across to her, and now i'm struggling with trusting that God will work His magic and i just need to accept that it will all happen in His time. that I've done all I can, and there is nothing more I Can do than to be a supportive friend. but that is so hard, especially after voicing my concern so many times over and over to an unwilling ear, stubborn and set on drinking. she tells me that she drinks to forget. that she drinks to have fun. i dont think she understands the severity of what she's gotten herself into. i know that repeating what i say is not going to do any better because now she answers to amuse me. she doesnt answer because of what she actually means, but because she doesn't want me to worry so she says what she thinks i want to hear. but strangely, i can feel what she's feeling in her responses over msn. i can hear the unwillingness in her voice, the reserved "hidden motives", i can almost read the thoughts going through her mind. what frustrates me the most, is that even though i can do all that, i have not yet understood what it is that will actually trigger her.

the truth is, there is nothing i can do. if she has an unwilling heart, there is nothing i can do. it's all up to God now. there is nothing i can do. nothing i can do. nothing...